Living with someone who struggles with depression is hard!
Getting her up in the morning was nearly impossible. It felt like it was my responsibility to make sure she “reported for duty” in the morning and was able to do what she needed to do in all areas of her life! Talk about insanity, especially the weekends, when it seemed like she’d sleep the whole two days away.
I couldn’t stand it and it infuriated me! I couldn’t do anything to make it stop, and I couldn’t do anything to help her! She was on medications, but it wasn’t making the situation easier. I’d get so angry with the situation that I simply quit trying just to save my own sanity.
I spent a lot of time being angry with her because I felt she was constantly being lazy and selfish. I would watch her waste weekends sleeping and it was hurtful, especially to our very young children. It seemed she would deliberately neglect our family, and we simply just wanted to spend precious time with her. I would eventually grow more frustrated and livid, with anger that was out of control.
When she did awake, I was one pot about to boil over! This didn’t solve or help the situation and was only escalating it. What I eventually realized was what I was doing was not working. I also discovered that we weren’t to blame, that it was a serious medical illness that had nothing to do with me and the kids.
So, the children and I began to plan things to do, including activities away from home, so as to not sit in that depression or doom and gloom any longer. Even if we were broke, we could go to the park, take a walk, head to the beach, enjoy free events in the community, get involved in community activities, go visit friends, etc.
My finances or lack of them didn’t need to deter us from enjoying life. One area that was tough was attending church weekly, with my kids in tow, feeling like a single parent. It was so hard to have people ask me weekly where my spouse was or why she wasn’t there for the volunteer role she’d signed up for! I honestly felt like screaming “Why don’t you call her and ask her yourself?”
It was a very lonely and extremely sad time. I kept crying out to the Lord for comfort and strength in this time, and he met me right where I was at. “For your maker is your bridegroom, his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!” Isaiah 54:5.
A dear older woman in our church shared this scripture verse with me, and that was what I held onto for quite some time to get me through those lonely, dark hours. Another thing that helped me was having a safe place to share my frustrations … and thank goodness I found Celebrate Recovery! I am able to attend weekly to share what’s going on in my life, with others who are going through similar battles, and they understand. It’s a wonderful place for encouragement, love and genuine support.
Maybe you struggle with depression, or have someone who’s depressed in your life. Come join us, we have been there! Celebrate Recovery will meet this last Friday, June 22, at 7 p.m. and then will move to Thursdays at 7 p.m. beginning next Thursday, June 28. We meet at First Baptist Church 408 College St., Clinton, NC 28328. Please join us, you’ll feel better….I promise! For more information call 910-379-4033