It’s hard for us to admit that there’s a problem or that we actually have problems in our life. Isn’t it so much easier to blame others around us, then actually look at ourselves and our own shortcomings?
Being unable to manage things can take several different forms in our life. Constantly blaming others for our own problems, refusing to admit we play a part in the problem(s), the ability to minimize our issues or shortcomings to ourselves and others, refusing to take responsibility for our life, overdoing it, perfectionism, an out of control schedule, busyness, mounds of paperwork, a messy house, anger and rage, refusing to pay debts when they’re due, being unsettled, unhappy, harboring resentments, holding onto guilt and shame, bitterness, workaholism, etc. This is just a few examples!
When dealing with an addiction, the “addict” will try to maintain a constant appearance that they’re “all right”, or have it all together, when it’s evident to all those around them, that their life is falling apart at the seams. They will try to deny or minimize their behavior, or make it seem like your confronting the problem is crazy and irrational. Quickly it’s turned and twisted around to become focused on you and not their issue that’s out of hand (deflection). Outsiders can clearly see there’s a problem, but normally the addict and codependent cannot see the problem for what it really is: Out of Control! Any admission that a problem exists, means the addict is threatening their continued usage in their drug of choice. Addicts are very good at manipulating, controlling, shaming, instilling fear and hopelessness into their family and close friends. You can choose to STOP enabling the addict. If you’re the addict, you can choose to step out of the mess and lack of manageability, and finally become ready to face your out of control lifestyle! It’s your choice to get well! You can do this, it is possible!!
Here’s a practical example to demonstrate codependency: A mother and/or father continues to prop up an adult child who’s an addict, because they reason the adult child has no where to go, and no other available resources to help them. They may feel it’s their job to protect and keep them safe, financially provide for them, but in essence, it’s detrimental to their health. Many times the codependent feels hopeless and helpless over the situation. This is called enabling, and can be very harmful to one’s health (financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically) as well as the health of the addict (continued usage can lead to death or destruction). By propping them up, the adult child is then not allowed to face consequences for their out of control behavior, because the parent/codependent continues to bail them out. You can speak the truth in Love, and lovingly confront. Remember, loving someone means not being a doormat and not allowing others to control your life with their own destructive choices! You can step out of denial and face the problem head on, you need help and the addict needs help too! Reach out and get the help desperately needed!
Step 1 says “We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable”. What’s the unmanageablity in your life? Could it be codependency/enabling, controlling others, negativity, gambling, negativity, worry, constant busyness, anger, smoking, obesity, fear of the future, debt, abusing prescription drugs, health issues, excessive drinking, isolation, relationship issues, separation/divorce, risky behaviors, depression and worry? What’s the “pink elephant” you’re afraid to face? “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” Romans 7:18.
Here are some very practical ways to get out of DENIAL and face your unmanageability:
1) Ask someone in your family, or friends, if they feel you may be in denial of some issues in your life.
2) Find someone to talk to, like a counselor, therapist or support group.
3) Honestly express your feelings, thoughts, fears and worries about the situation you’re possibly afraid to face.
4) Consider an intervention if there’s an addict in your life that needs to face the reality of their addiction.
5) Start journaling how you feel, what you’re going through, in order to get to the root cause of your Denial.
6) Be willing to become accountable to another person for your DENIAL, and be willing to take suggestions, critique and encouragement from your accountability partner.
7) Look at your irrational beliefs about the situation, such as the “addict” will eventually get well if I Love them enough, provide them financial support, bail them out, keep helping them, etc. This is codependency and needs to stop!
8) Consider joining a step study, whereby you can unpack these unhealthy issues, deal with them, and gain Victory, once and for all!
9) Make 2012 the year you break free from your bondage to your addiction, the hurts, hang-ups or habits in your life! Live a full, abundant life that you’ve been called to. Remember there’s a purpose and destiny for you to grab hold of and claim over your life!!
Jeremiah 6:14 “You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” On Friday nights, we’re discussing our shortcomings, and becoming healed and set free from the bondage of our past! It’s a confidential, safe, loving environment, full of encouragement and support. This promotes an atmosphere of trust and enables recovery. You can take off your “mask” be real and honest without fear, with real people who are facing their own issues too. We talk about what we’re facing, and practical steps we’re taking to change! If your life is a mess, and you need encouragement, this is the place for you. If you think some of the things listed above sound like you, this is the place for you! If you think someone else’s life is a mess within your family or friends, this is the place for you! Who you see there, What you hear there, When you leave there, Stays there! We may be a small community, but anonymity and confidentiality are at the core of our Friday night meetings! Come out this Friday night as we discuss this topic of DENIAL and how we can get unstuck. We’re saving a seat for YOU! Celebrate Recovery….the road nobody has to walk alone! Fridays at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 408 College Street, Clinton, NC 28328. Please call 910-379-4033 for more info. or email: email@example.com