I think I had nearly lost my mind! After driving around town for hours with my then infant daughter in the car, hoping and praying that I might find them, I don’t know what I would have done had I found those two! The thought of my spouse being with another woman, incensed and devastated me! I think I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
My daughter and her infant state, kept me in a half functioning and half dead state. I persevered, if only to be there physically for my child…everything else in my life was falling apart. If only I could have prevented this from happening.our mind can race with crazy thoughts when we’re in the midst of a crisis.
A friend once told me, “It’s the addict that can start the fire, but it’s the codependent who burns the house down.”
My own insanity had driven me to some very harmful behaviors: detective/sleuthing constantly, verifying his stories, checking his cell phone bills, pockets, wallets, whatever it was, because I felt I could catch him in yet another lie. Or checking his Internet sites visited, pay per view movie statements, receipts, phone calls, etc.
Then there was my attitude: negative, critical, resentful, judgmental, harsh, angry, raging, controlling, bitter….and this was just to name a few.
You see, the addict in my life had no real reason to get well, they were quite content! I would constantly enable them, pick up the pieces after their messes: financially, physically, emotionally, etc. The day it all stopped would be a day I would be eternally grateful for!!
I decided that I was even sicker than the addict, and needed to get some professional help. I sought a counselor, where I discovered the issue of “codependency” and enabling. I was not allowing them to suffer the consequences for their choices, and I had allowed their actions to control and rule my emotions. I needed to be okay, whether the addict decided to get well or not. I needed to learn how to set some clear boundaries in my life. I needed to see my part…that my attitude and choices are up to me, not blaming someone else. I needed to be accountable to others for my choices, decisions, attitudes, and I needed a shoulder to cry on and help me get through these challenges I faced head on. This Friday night (3/9/12) come and here the rest of the story! One of VICTORY, hope and encouragement!
Does my story sound similar? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired yet? Are you ready to admit that you, too, play a part and you need to get well, regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t do? It only takes admitting you need help and then doing whatever it takes to get well! You can do this!
Come check out Celebrate Recovery this Friday night, where I’ll be sharing my personal testimony of healing and growth! What else do you have to do on a Friday night? What could be more important than having clarity and peace in your life? Your life may never be the same! Celebrate Recovery Fridays at 7 at First Baptist Church, 408 College St., Clinton. For more information, call 910-379-4033 or visit email@example.com or check out our Facebook Page: Celebrate Recovery Clinton, NC