Why does he have to do that? Doesn’t he realize that it’s annoying when he refuses to hear what I have to say and doesn’t do what I want him to do when I asked him to? Those kids of mine are driving me nuts, never listening and obeying, talking back and refusing to do what I told them to do. Why do I have to do my work and co-workers job, don’t they realize I do it all? Why does she take advantage of me all the time? If those people around me would just listen to me, then life would run smoother.
Do these tapes play in your mind too? Wow! When did I become the master of ceremonies and the one in charge? Some might call it just “taking charge”! Maybe it’s just me, but it sure seems like many women tend to micro-manage (or control) everything and everyone around them. There’s a flurry of managing, busyness and control and it affects others around us in a negative, damaging way. We may think we truly “have to hold it all together” or else the world will fall apart around us. Or, if I don’t take care of it all, it won’t get done, and it will be a disaster. These are some characteristics of control issues kicking.
I believe God might call it controlling and thus not allowing him to be in control. We are taking over his job and I believe he will allow us to do so for a season and then we soon crash and burn. He wants us to give it up to him and let him be in charge. There is a fine balance between taking responsibility for my life and allowing God to rule and reign in me. It’s a delicate equilibrium of my doing my part and letting HIM do his part. So you may be asking, so what if I am in control, don’t I need to take my life into my own hands and get it done? Yes and no….we have to know where we end and HE begins! If others around us call us controlling, pushy or demanding, perhaps this is a warning sign that we’re taking on more than we were meant to handle. Are you feeling like your life is weighing you down and you cannot carry the load anymore?
Some tough questions to ask yourself to see if perhaps you’re still in control:
1. Do you have others speaking into your life to encourage you as well as hold you accountable?
2. Who is there to help you steer clear of danger or patterns that may be destructive?
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. So you may be thinking, it’s just me and Jesus! That’s great, but he calls us to be accountable to HIM and to others.
3. Do you listen and hear correction from others? I mean do you truly take in what they have to say and learn from what they’re trying to tell you? Or, do you dismiss their “criticism” and refuse to hear the truth? Perhaps you even isolate from these people who spoke some truth to you, you decide you don’t need them or don’t want to hear what they have to say.
4. How do we know if we’re being deceived, if we’re too busy running our own ship? We’re not supposed to be lone rangers. We’re heading down a slippery slope when we think we know better than others and perhaps we think deep down inside that we know better than God what’s best for us. This is dangerous thinking!
Sometimes, if we simply let go, then others can make their own decisions, they may not resent your control as much, make become less rebellious, and can then become more responsible. A spouse may “step up to the plate” when you step down from trying to hold it all together. Children may suffer the consequences for their own actions, when you let go! Besides, we’re not meant to go it alone and carry the full load. Burn out, depression, anger and resentments can eat us alive and affect us physically. What’s the cost for you?
The way to stop controlling your life and others around you is to let go of being in charge, and allow others to help you make the changes needed. You cannot do it on your own, or else you would have done so already. How’s your plan working for you? Isn’t it time you allowed someone else into the driver seat? Are you ready to have mental, emotional and spiritual healing and wholeness? It may be hard work to overcome years of ingrained patterns (especially if you were raised in a controlling household) but it’s possible to change! At Celebrate Recovery, we’re changing daily. We’ve decided to allow others into our lives to encourage us, as well as hold us accountable for defects in our character, like these control issues. Recovery is NOT just about addictions, it’s about recovering from those things that trip us up or weigh us down. We ALL have things that keep us from living an abundant life. None of us are perfect and have it all together! If you’re ready to see healing in your life, come and check out CR on Friday nights at 7 p.m. You can change! Don’t believe the lie that it’s not possible! We’re meeting at First Baptist Church 408 College Street, Clinton.
For those who are attending weekly, they can attest that this program is life changing! If you’re ready for a new life, regardless of what you’re going through, join us Friday nights at 7 p.m. Check out our face book page at Celebrate Recovery Clinton, NC or call 910-379-4033 for further information.