This past week has been my first full week at home with my husband. Dec. 31 was my last day with the Sampson County Department of Aging. Spending time with each other 24/7 would have been wonderful when we were dating. Forty-four years ago we just could not get enough of each other. We both are kind of set in our ways now. I like my coffee in the morning with total peace and quiet, he likes his coffee with the news on the loudest volume setting you can reach! I like very little cover on our bed at night, he likes lots of cover. I like Christian music, he likes country music. I love my cat and take offense if he says anything negative about my cat, he loves his dog and he takes offense if I say anything negative about his dog. I love to eat sweets and he loves to eat salty things. I could continue but I think you get the big picture. We both are different, and somehow, we managed to work things out this past week. It will be an adjustment for us both to be home together 24/7; but we will figure it out.
There is a lot of adjusting to be made when the normal routine is no longer normal. When a family learns that their loved one has been diagnosed with a condition of dementia, they are faced with making adjustments. Life will be very different when you are faced with all that goes with dementia. You as the caregiver may at times need to stretch the truth to get your loved one to their appointments, you may listen to some tall tales that your loved one truly believes is real, but the truth has escaped. You at times will be accused of doing something that you would absolutely not do, such as take all your loved one’s money, writing a check for a large amount of money or hiding something from your loved one. You the caregiver may be accused of stealing, being rude and not feeding your loved one. You may be accused of misplacing things, such as putting the eggs in the laundry basket or putting the raw hamburger meat in the bread box. You and your loved one may no longer be able to go out to eat, because you fear the profanity that is now often spoken by your loved one. These things sound very odd, but over the years these are somethings that my caregivers have shared with me and have actually happened. Your new normal may be abnormal!
You must remember your love one living with dementia is doing the best they can do. Their brain is failing, their brain’s wiring is on the fritz, their brain is dying. Most dementias attack one side of the brain, then spreads. Generally, it will attack the left side of the brain, then spreads to the other side. The left side of the brain is where language is stored, so they lose on the left. This is why they have trouble with word finding. You (caregiver) are the one with the good brain, you are the one that is going to have find a way to figure things out! This is going to be an effort and will require much skill to accomplish a successful adjustment.
Max and Junior (our dog and cat) have things figured out much better than me and my husband. They established boundaries early on. But my cat is the smartest, he is highly intelligent and I am certain he is the one that keeps the boundaries in tack! Hope you have a “Best Day Ever!”