What is grief? It is deep sorrow that comes with the loss of a person due to death. It can also be deep sorrow that comes when a loved one has an illness. It is also what a person experiences when they are troubled or annoyed.
A person’s life changes greatly when a condition of dementia comes upon them. Actually the whole family’s life changes when they are living with dementia. People living with dementia, live with grief! What once was so familiar is no longer the normal, life gets abnormal with the person living with dementia and with the family and with the friends. Grief can affect you physically, psychologically and spiritually. Grief is a part of the journey we take when living with dementia.
Please remember dementia is an umbrella term and under the umbrella of dementia there are 85-90 different conditions. Alzheimer’s is the number one condition of dementia. When a person is living with Alzheimer’s disease grief can be demanding. The person in the beginning will know that things are not like they used to be. They will realize changes in their memory and notice they are not quite as sharp as they used to be. This is when grief may show up.
When the family living with Alzheimer’s disease notice changes in their loved one, such as (mother did not remember my birthday) or (my wife forgot our anniversary) or (my wife and I would often go out to eat, but now we can’t) or (we all would sit together at church and now Dad can no longer go) , grief will surface.
Grief can be experienced by the death of a loved one, by the loss of a person’s memory, by the loss of how things used to be, the loss of a job, moving from a well -loved home and divorce. In our lives at some point we all will have to deal with grief. I have a book in my office library, the book is titled “Turning to God to Get through Grief” edited by Linus Mundy. I would like to share five key beliefs to get you through a loss.
These five keys are directly from this booklet. I really think you can benefit from these keys.
— You will survive. This is true not because you are strong or brave or wise – attributes you may feel lacking right now. You will survive simply because that’s the nature of being human.
— You have a right to grieve. Well-meaning people may try to talk you out of your grief. But grief is a feeling, more precisely, a pot full of feelings that keep boiling over: sorrow, numbness, anger, guilt, depression. Feelings just don’t respond to logic because they rise from your heart, not your head. Grieving is a process you go through, just as you would go through physical therapy after a crippling injury.
— You don’t have to go it alone. Nor should you. God doesn’t pass out “get out of grief free” cards. God gives us something even better: each other. In others who have suffered loss, you will find understanding ears, soft shoulders, and practical advice on matters large and small.
— God is good. Don’t forget to seek God’s company. Pray, even if all you can do is scream. God is close to the brokenhearted, scripture promises. Tender as a mother, God says little but holds us tight in silent promise that everything will be all right.
— Love never goes to waste. Of the many losses we face, the ones that really hurt are losses of people and things we have dearly loved. Love makes us vulnerable. It also strengthens us. According to the Song of Songs, love is as strong as death (see 8:6-7). Your happy memories are yours to keep. Everything we have cherished remains part of us even when times are dark.
When a family lives with Alzheimer’s disease they may grieve over the loss of the way things were at a time. A daughter may grieve because her mother can no longer remember her name. A wife may grieve because her husband is the same but different. A husband may grieve because his wife is using profanities. Remember to focus on what the person with the disease can still do instead of focusing on what they can no longer do.
Remember, knowledge is power and until there’s a cure there is care. Learn all you can about dementia and the number one condition of dementia (Alzheimer’s disease). Take care of yourself, you will be a better caregiver if you do. Remember take time for respite! Enjoy life and each day that is given to you. Don’t forget about the workshop Tuesday, March 27, from 8:30 a.m. – noon (Being Mortal) and (Consider the Conversation). You can register by calling Kareem Strong at 910-323-4191, ext. 25 by March 23. You can just leave a message.
Come join me on the 2nd Tuesday of each month at 2 p.m. for the “Dementia Education and Alzheimer’s Support Group” meeting. You can reach me at 910-592-4653 or email [email protected]. Hope you have a “Best Day Ever”.