Angela Faircloth tries her best to distract Thelma Smith and Luke Smith from their conversation during the elephant exercise. 
                                 Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent

Angela Faircloth tries her best to distract Thelma Smith and Luke Smith from their conversation during the elephant exercise.

Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent

<p>Angela Faircloth and Luke Smith laugh at Faircloth’s attempts to distract Smith.</p>
                                 <p>Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent</p>

Angela Faircloth and Luke Smith laugh at Faircloth’s attempts to distract Smith.

Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent

<p>Lisa DeCandia seeks to the group on how to manage grief when the time comes and how to seek help.</p>
                                 <p>Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent</p>

Lisa DeCandia seeks to the group on how to manage grief when the time comes and how to seek help.

Photos by Cameron Vann|Sampson Independent

Grief doesn’t only occur after the loss of a loved one; it often begins long before, as individuals and families face the reality of an impending loss. Anticipatory grief is the emotional experience that can overwhelm people as they prepare for the death of someone they care about.

To address this unique and often overlooked form of grief, Sampson County hosted an Anticipatory Grief Workshop, led by Lisa DeCandia. It is designed to provide tools, support, and understanding for individuals dealing with this challenging emotional journey.

The workshop focused on the emotional, physical, and psychological responses individuals might experience when anticipating the loss of a loved one, offering practical advice for navigating this difficult time. Local mental health professionals, counselors, and support groups came together to facilitate discussions, provide resources, and create a space for those affected to share their experiences.

Anticipatory grief refers to the grief experienced prior to an expected loss. It could occur when someone knew they or their loved one was facing a terminal illness or the natural process of aging. It often brought feelings of sadness, fear, guilt, anger, and helplessness as individuals confronted the reality of a future without their loved one.

Unlike grief that followed an immediate loss, anticipatory grief had the benefit of allowing individuals time to process their emotions, say goodbye, and make necessary arrangements. However, it also created additional stress and emotional strain, especially as individuals grappled with feelings of powerlessness and uncertainty about the future.

DeCandia, who works for Mid-Carolina, spoke on common issues in anticipatory grief.

“People approach grief in a multitude of ways, whether it be avoidance of the issue, or going into full work mode and acting as if everything is OK. What we have to realize is that it is OK to not be OK,” she explained.

This prompted many in the group to share their own personal experiences with grief.

Clinton resident, Thelma Smith, shared her personal experiences which involved how she handled the death of loved ones in her immediate family. “I find that I had an easier time burying my mother and father than with my sister, because my parents were sudden and my sister I had to go about planning, knowing she was going, and to me it felt the former was easier. Others may not think that way,” Smith shared.

Angela Faircloth explained her experience with grief was after the unexpected passing of her father.

“I was young, and I made up a story in my head that my father was still alive and that the whole thing was made up, and that any second he would come back home and that was my way of avoidance for a while,” she said.

DeCandia noted, “Those are both typical responses to anticipatory and actual grief where when we have to focus on losing a person who is still here it is hard as you try to keep it together for them, and then when we lose people unexpectedly a lot of people make up alternate scenarios in their head to keep people alive.”

DeCandia asked those in the group to participate in an exercise where two people had to engage in conversation while a third party held a stuffed elephant and tried their best to distract the group from the topic, with the rule that the group of those talking could not acknowledge the elephant, which proved to be a difficult task.

“That took everything in me to avoid looking at the elephant and not trying to respond to Angela’s antics,” laughed Smith, a participant in the workshop.

DeCandia shared with the group the importance of the exercise, “This goes to prove the point of the different forms of avoidance people use to not have to face an issue.”

Another exercise was used to get the group to share deeper feelings and also show how many people practice avoidance everyday. The exercise, which utilized four photos, showed different seasons of the year, which prompted attendees to think back on a memories of their favorite season.

Faircloth shared, “The photo of spring brings back the memories of being on my family farm and enjoying life as a child. The smell of fresh plowed dirt and working in the garden, drinking lemonade on the porch with my family and just all-around fond memories.”

Luke Smith mentioned how the picture of summer made her feel. “It brings back childhood memories of my mom taking me to the pool and the smell of chlorine and having a fun day with my family and just enjoying life.

Clinton resident Geraldine Lewis also chose summertime, saying, “The picture of summer takes me back to my childhood and going to Jones Lake with my family for picnics, and us children just playing in the water and the adults watching us and talking and us running up to get food and drinks, then rushing back out to play.”

Thelma Smith shared her fondness of winter. “It makes me think of sitting and looking out the window and seeing snow covering the yard and my daddy going and getting a big bowl and making a huge batch of snow cream,” she remembered. “Us kids would eat ourselves silly and then go out and build snowmen, and then come in and you could smell my dad’s big pot of coffee and (we) tried to warm ourselves back up around that wood burning heater.”

DeCandia left the group, saying that is how we should learn to handle grief. “One of the many good ways to handle grief is to try to think back on the good memories that you had with those you have lost rather than focusing on the loss of the person,” DeCandia said. “One of the best things is to join a support group. There is no rule to go through this alone and it’s best to have a good cry — it’s good for relieving stress. Just remember to keep thinking the good thoughts, and eventually things will get better, but only if you work on them.”