Who would call a damaged person for an assignment- especially when they did not want it or did not ask for it? Dropping to my knees, I cried aloud, “Lord, I do not understand!” Self-doubt consumed me, deeper I sank into the vortex of disparity. Time passed. Then, slowly I rose to my feet. I heard the sound again. Focusing, I hesitantly followed the sound. It sounded like a blend of a harp and violin. It was magical. It reminded me of joy and happiness.
Instincts warned me to answer the summons, but I was afraid to do so. I knew if I answered God’s call on my life, I would no longer be the same. There was a battle between the flesh and spirit. This ancient battle of the flesh and spirit is also belief over non-belief. Many believers have fought – and still are fighting – between the natural and spiritual realm. The outcome is based on the believer’s faith. With the passage of time, I’d intentionally stopped keeping score of who was winning. I felt the pulling again. I wanted to scream out in frustration. Doubt’s insidious hold had claimed me. Again, I immediately tried to fight its claim on my life. I knew that I would forever be tied to the altar.
“Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all what we ask or think, according to the power that worked in us” (Ephesians 3:20). I clung to those inspiring words as if they were my lifeline. In truth they were. As I began chanting it over and over, I began to remember what God had done for me. How he saved me. Forgave me. Touched me. Delivered me. Healed me. Loved me. I had a breakthrough as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. The Bible reveals that Jesus was so heavy- hearted with the assignment given him that He literally cried tears of blood! Now that is hurt on the highest level. When I accepted God’s calling, something inside me changed with the acceptance of my calling.
The empty feeling that I had had moments ago dissipated and was replaced with determination. Fortifying myself, I stopped running from my own purpose. It was time to stand still and deal with my calling.
God has been calling you for quite some time now. Understand that He never leaves us, no matter how it appears. Jesus asked three of his strongest disciples to watch and pray with him for one hour in His greatest time of need. This is a man who lived a young 33 years. He was born to die NOT for himself but that of the world. He poured out so much of Himself and yet no one could help him – only God the Father – and when Jesus broke through He didn’t become bitter. In fact He released His hurt and disappointment. He asked Peter, James, and John to go with Him into the garden. He asked them to wait while He went to pray. In the end Jesus stood tall on His calling.
Flesh will try to hold you back but don’t allow it to do so. Don’t put all your trust in man but place it in God. He will never FAIL. You may be in a dark place right now but don’t give up. You will begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is small at first. It begins to grow brighter and brighter; it swallows up the darkness. You are much closer than you think. Just don’t give up. This is my prayer for you. The Certain Ones. Let’s go get it!