The story of Nolan Wells should make every parent hold their children a little tighter, while also making every young person think more carefully about the people they choose to call friends.
Wells was just 18 years old when he went with friends to Horn Island, Miss., for a Fourth of July gathering. His friends returned to the mainland without him, and two days later, Wells’ body was found. Exactly what happened remains under investigation, and his cause and manner of death have not yet been determined, meaning those unanswered questions should be resolved through evidence rather than speculation.
Still, there is something about Nolan’s story that parents and young people can take to heart, regardless of what investigators ultimately determine.
On Aug. 19, Nolan should have celebrated his champagne birthday, turning 19 on the 19th. He should have been blowing out candles, laughing with family and friends and thinking about everything another year of life might bring, but instead, his family spent that day remembering him and continuing to seek answers.
There is a lesson in that tragedy that reaches far beyond Mississippi, particularly for parents trying to prepare their children for the independence that comes with growing up.
Parents should know who their children are spending time with, even though that becomes increasingly difficult as they get older. Eventually come driver’s licenses, jobs, college and the freedom to go places without Mom or Dad knowing every detail, which means parents must prepare their children to make good decisions when they are not around.
Talk to your children about their friends, know where they are going and ask who will be there, but also make sure they understand they can call home whenever something does not feel right. A young person should never be so afraid of disappointing a parent that they remain in a dangerous situation rather than asking for help. If that late-night call comes requesting to be picked up, getting them home safely should come before the lecture.
Young people also have a responsibility to be careful choosing those they allow into their circle, because everybody you laugh with is not necessarily your friend, and even genuinely good friends can exercise poor judgment. Friendship should never require someone to surrender common sense simply to belong.
Peer pressure is dangerous because it does not always involve someone demanding that another person do something. It can sound as innocent as, “Everybody else is going,” or, “Don’t be scared,” while sometimes it is simply the fear of looking weak, boring or uncool. There is far more strength in walking away from a dangerous situation than remaining simply because everyone else does.
When something does not feel right, trust that instinct and find a way out. When people around you are making dangerous decisions, do not allow loyalty or embarrassment to keep you there, and if refusing to participate in reckless behavior costs you a friendship, perhaps that friendship was demanding too high a price.
Parents should have these conversations long before their children reach adulthood, discussing alcohol and drugs, parties, impaired driving, unfamiliar places and always having a safe way home. Just as importantly, they should teach their children that courage sometimes means being the person willing to say something is a bad idea when everyone else wants to go along with it.
That courage can mean walking away while everyone else stays or calling home and admitting you are somewhere you should not be, and it can sometimes be the difference between a bad night eventually becoming a story to laugh about and a family receiving a telephone call that changes their lives forever.
None of us knows precisely what happened to Nolan Wells on Horn Island, and we should not pretend that we do. His family deserves facts, a complete investigation and the truth, but we know that Nolan was 18 years old when he left for a holiday outing and never came home.
What we know and encourage young people to do is choose your circle carefully, trust your instincts and remember that a true friend should never require you to risk everything simply to prove that you belong.