Celebrating the end of an era

Let the celebration begin!

That was the exclamatory statement blurted out by this newly minted high school graduate upon hopping into a maroon Chevy Citation which sat along the edge of the sidewalk with Bruce Thalmann – a fellow alumnus – behind the wheel as we both raised our hands into the air to bid one final farewell to dear ol’ Lincoln High School.

After waving to several classmates and friends still milling about the grounds around the educational facility’s grandiose auditorium – the site of commencement exercises, this dynamic duo traveled down Fifth Street charting a course towards the Assembly of God parsonage in Wampum for an invitation-only graduation party to mark the special occasion.

When we came to a complete stop at the intersection of Fifth Street and Lawrence Avenue to wait for a red light, the blond-haired driver jumped from the 4-door hatchback yelling out “Chinese Fire Drill” as he proceeded to race around to the back end of his mother’s second-hand car; after which I joined in on the tomfoolery by sprinting in the opposite direction.

Since this blue-eyed brownie’s running game was outmatched two-to-one by my energetic companion, Bruce made an entire revolution around the horseless carriage before I was able to finally reach the driver’s side door with a jaw-dropping revelation.

I don’t even have a driver’s license!

Oopsy!

By the time these two would-be clowns switched back to our original positions inside the older model automobile, the traffic light had already turned green as the agitated motorists lined up behind us began shouting obscenities from their windows and honking horns in an attempt to get us to put the pedal to the metal.

Hold your horses!

As soon as we drove passed Grossman’s Family Restaurant next to the railway overpass, the former lead thespian from our senior class musical “Hello, Dolly!” turned on the car radio prior to tuning in to the local station – WKPL-FM 92.1 in Ellwood City – just in the nick of time to hear a special shout-out from area businesses and community leaders.

“Hey all you cool cats out there listening to the sound of my voice,” noted the radio announcer as he made an introduction to the next hit single on the evening’s playlist. “This song goes out to all the graduates of Lincoln High School’s Class of 1984 who just received their high school diplomas earlier tonight; so, give it up for ‘Celebration’ by Kool and the Gang.”

We cranked up the music on our way across the Fifth Street Bridge while shouting out the gnarly tune’s words.

“High school must’ve fried both your brains,” giggled Tammy Schlemmer with a sideways grin when she stepped from the car parked behind us with her younger sister in tow. “When I saw you traipse around to the driver’s side of Bruce’s car during your shenanigans, I knew it wasn’t going to end well; because you don’t even have a driver’s license.”

“We were praying you wouldn’t fall like a tree in the forest,” Patty Schlemmer chimed in breathing a sigh of welcome relief as everyone began walking down the sidewalk toward the church parsonage. “After the other driver’s began honking their horns, I noticed you jumped like a Jack-in-the-Box; and we all know how you have a tendency to take a tumble when you hear loud noises.”

It’s a wonder I was able to stay upright!

“That goes double for me,” interjected Bruce with eyes as big as saucers after gently wrapping an arm around my neck walking up the cement treads. “If I had brought the guest of honor back here for his graduation party all bloodied and bruised, his parents would’ve totally regretted their decision to let him take a spin in my car.”

“I’m glad you were able to make it,” I confessed flashing my pearly whites while turning to greet my former homeroom teacher and senior class sponsor sneaking up behind us. “After giving you the invitation at school, I thought you might have one too many parties to attend tonight; so, I didn’t think you’d be able to make it to all of them.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” responded Mrs. Janet Pezzi with a broad smile as she warmly greeted each of my other invited party guests. “While I don’t often get invites to my former student’s graduation parties, I definitely like to make an appearance when the opportunity presents itself; and I live just around the corner.”

Immediately after my entourage and I sauntered through the front entrance of the house, Faith Grove – the youngest of the pastor’s family – escorted us into the kitchen where the remainder of her kinfolk along with my loved ones broke out into the words to “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow” while lighting several candles on a celebratory sheet cake.

Following the congratulatory song in honor of my grand achievement, the next few moments seemed like total chaos as the cramped quarters erupted with idle chit-chat once everyone began circling around the kitchen table filling their plates with some scrumptious offerings to compliment the signature cake and ice cream.

As soon as everyone was situated with their edible offerings scattered about the heart of the home, my Brady Bunch siblings brought out a graduation gift of sorts – a laundry basket filled with all the essentials to wash clothes – and presented me with a handwritten guide on the pros and cons of laundering my own personal belongings.

Upon reading the very first tip – separate colors from whites – on the list, I informed everyone within earshot that my tighty-whities had already turned pink when attempting to wash clothes for the very first-time last November.

It’s a good thing they’re called undergarments!

“That’s why I’ll be bringing a load of laundry home every weekend,” chuckled Bruce.

Unfortunately, I won’t have that option since my institution of higher learning will be over one thousand miles away!

Then you’re going to have to use your head for more than just a hat rack!